a couple of comfortable bed-rooms

I grew up in Colorado, where "being in the country" meant being in wilderness. Nobody for miles. Or, if your house was in the country, it meant you had to drive for a half hour to an hour away from all the other houses in order to get there. Land.

Country music made no sense to me, because A) nobody in the country I knew talked like that and B) there were always lyrics that said stuff like "I'm going to the mall to show off my tractor" or some shit, and there were no Malls in the country.

Now that I am on the East Coast, though? It makes so much sense. Country here is an aesthetic, not a real thing. I had a friend who grew up considering herself country. She grew up in Allentown. Like, Allentown is big, y'all.

On the East Coast if you don't live in the Major Cities (here in PA that would be Philly and Pittsburgh) then you're country. Even if you're in a big-ass town, you're country. And now the music makes allll the sense. Here, they'd call my sort of country "the wilderness."

I miss wilderness, but hey! At least country makes sense now.

I finally finished quilting this quilt. I've got quilt binding on order, so I can set it aside until the binding arrives. It's such a relief to just. Not have to care about it.

It won't be real relief until I can take it out of the project bin, though. Project bin is too full and driving me a little nuts. I try to keep things organised, but it's still just a lot. When the quilt is bound I can at least take it out and the project bin will look much better.

TW: Fandom wank, darkfic, vague mention of nonconsensual vore

There are two types of people I loathe in fandom: the ones who read tagged warnings, disregard them, and then go on to leave wank all over stuff because "wawaaaah my mental health/bad things in fic/stuff I don't like exists", and the people who don't tag at all and then complain about people wanting tags/not interacting.

Especially on the Archive, but just in general.

Group A sit in their glass houses, throwing stones and then whining when their house gets broken -- you hurt me by writing this, I know you put up a big sign that said pointy writing don't touch without gloves but then I touched it without gloves and you are now personally responsible for the spines in my finger. Like wow. Unhealthy mental projection up the ass, and, in addition, so much entitlement. They've fucked over so many fandom spots: Tumblr's a big one, that finally caved to the pressure of "nothing that can hurt the infant babies, what if children see" despite under-13 being banned from the site in the terms of service. I'm a MorMor fan, okay, there is NOTHING healthy and good about two serial killers/criminals/general douchebags fucking around together, and of course I got these attacks on the reg.

On the other hand? Group B? Just as bad. These guys sit on their thrones of "long-term fandom" with an attitude of, "Get over it, if you don't have a thick skin yet, you're just too baby of a fan." Like those assholes who bulldoze waitstaff with the excuse of "I was a waiter, once they work here a while they'll get used to it." Uh. Or maybe we could just be kind?

I'm not saying stop writing darkfic, like no, uh. I've written it. But just fucking tag your things, people. "It's too much effort." You just wrote 50k words about Hannibal noncon literally eating Will, and you can't type "nonconsensual vore"? Two words??????? "I feel like less people read my fic when they know what's in it." Uh, yeah, you get more hits when there's no 'nonconsensual vore' tag, because some people don't like nonconsensual vore, got halfway through and noped out.

But let's say you're on the Archive, which is excellent because it forces you to do at least a few major warning tags, and gives you an out, that says Author Chose not to Use Archive Warnings. Great, you think, and you hit that. Awesome! Good job!

Then I fucking better never see you complain on any platform ever about decreased readership/engagement. Even obliquely, and yes I do mean those goddamn Twitter polls "I haven't seen much on my last fic, what do you think I should try next??" You chose not to warn, and people went, "Aha, this area has been unmarkéd on my Quest Map, I shall hereforwith give it a wide berth" and now you're whining.

Also, it turns out that tags have an actual primary use, that's secondary to all this nonsense: helping people sort things! And you're not helping! At all! The Archive is working really hard to keep records organised and you're just sitting there, happily whiting out the front cover so nobody knows where to shelve you. Ugh.

I see a lot of whining about Group A, then whining about Group B, and then fandom swings back to Group A every few years, like a pendulum of Dumb Shit, and I'm just.

Tag your shit, read the tags, don't like the tags, don't read the fic.

Don't shout "don't like don't read" and not tag. I didn't know I was about to read something I don't like or I wouldn't have read it, that's the point of tagging.

And lastly? If you sit there all "tags ruin my plot reveal"? Then you're just a bad writer, buddy, and bad at tagging. You don't have to tag "Tony Stark dies horribly." Just tag "major character death" and "gore", yadumbass.

Endrant.

 I'm so tired, but at least it's the good kind! 

So I've finally got a job! I'm officially a forensic scientist, and I'm goddamn proud. I'm not making huge amounts, but I'm definitely making enough to start paying off the bills, and it's such a relief! 

Downside? Work starts at 6. Which means I have to get up around 4:30. Oof. It's an adjustment. It's four ten-hour days, though, which means 3 days off a week, so I'm good. 

I got a gym membership, too, because I'm being an adult. Also because I'm tired of feeling like a guest in my own body. I'm not doing this to get fit, or lose weight; I just want to get to know this meatbag a little better so as I age I'm not continually at odds with it. 

I finally have wifi at my house! I'm so glad, I was spending far, far too much at coffee shops.

And, to top it all off, I started another fic, because I have Avengers feelings. Eventual poly-shipping, fix-it fic. Because I am allowed to have happy endings. 

 I've done it. Officially finished my bachelor's. Passed Orgo 2. I'm exhausted. 

I have had a few days off, gotten my head together a bit better. I'm still not 100%. I think a lot of this is that all my friends are gone, off to their 'homes', but also just that I don't do well without productivity. I've been working on my FTH work, scrapped two drafts. Working on my resume. Slowly building anxiety about getting a 'real job'. Normal stuff. 

Still not great mentally or emotionally, though. 

I'd been hoping that once school was over, I'd have a little more brain-space. Time to get my shit together, so to speak. Instead I'm still stressed to hell, it's just a non-specific type of stress that I can't address by finishing a school project. 

I really miss my friends.

In the end, I'm stuck doing some of the same avoidance coping mechanisms I did before: read fanfic, refuse to watch the endings of series', etc. I would do therapy but until I have a 'real job', I can't afford it, so until then I'm just waiting. Kinda sucks. I want a purpose again, but I don't want to job hunt for it. I hate job hunting.

 Starting off with this video which is a little long, but totally worth watching if you're interested in corsets. 




And also, this! 


Now onto my own experience.

I also have a curvature to my spine, but I never got into a brace for it. Nonetheless, the corset I have has its ups and downs. Padding is definitely required in some places if I want to have an 'even' silhouette. (I don't much care, so I don't pad.)

Additionally, I found (and was supported by Bernadette in Video 1 above) that if I have my corset laced entirely up so that the boning is against my spine, I am in pain. So, I don't fully tighten. After doing some research on Reddit, other corset wearers, even tight-lacers, have mentioned that it is less about having the corset fully tightened as much as it is about having the laces even - you want your back pieces to be parallel, not in a /\ or \/ shape. So I just give myself some parallel space for my spine, and all is well. However, I do wish I'd ordered a corset a few inches smaller for myself because obviously this means my corset is looser, mostly around the bust area where I wanted a bit more support.

However, it turns out that my breasts don't really mind not being supported just so long as my back has the support it needs -- in other words, I feel very little if my breasts hang naturally, it's my back that needs the extra help standing straight from the imbalance of weight distributed back to front. In fact, I have a grand range of movement of my arms and shoulders that I don't have with a modern bra. 

There is a bit of trouble bending. By which I mean, I bend at the hips or not at all. Additionally, twisting is limited. This means that putting on, say, shoes and socks is done from a seated position with my foot on my knee rather than bending to tie them, and even then I am not terrifically flexible at the hips, so I struggle a little. After looking at others' experiences I found that most of them go by the rule "Shoes first, then corset" -- which makes sense historically, as floors would be cold in non-centrally-heated houses, so getting dressed bottom-up is logical. However, we don't wear shoes in my house, so I do a bit of contorting before leaving for the store. 

Lastly, smoothing undergarments are reasonable if you intend to wear trousers or light skirts with a corset that has any sort of hip section. This is due to the hip flare, which allows for more shape but then can 'drop' to your natural hip where the corset ends. However, I wear boxer briefs for comfort reasons (they're heavenly. Say goodbye to the wedgie) and I just tug the waistband over the corset. Other corset wearers use garter belts or leggings. 

Now that I've figured out how to wear my corset comfortably (no stays against the spine, etc), I honestly really enjoy wearing it. My back appreciates the support, and I don't find breathing difficult, even from my diaphragm, because I'm not tightlacing (except the occasional yawn). An added benefit is that now I can tailor my garments to a known shape, rather than just body measurements. This allows for tighter-fitted garments without worrying about my weight fluctuating by a few pounds. I tried a first attempt on an old shirt, and while I still haven't got a fix for gaping buttons at the breasts (help), I was very pleased with the results, and I'm just gonna wear a tie with it to close the gape from now on. 

Am I a little inspired to make my own corset? Yes. I'd love to have one that is a little more tailored to my particular measurements. There are corset makers who craft bespoke pieces, but they're far, far out of my price range, so I shall have to work with what I have. But I maaay be considering what to do with some scrap denim and canvas this summer once school's out. We'll see. 

This song is gorgeous but also? This girl is #goals.

I'm trying to figure out this circle thing. If you would like to be in my access list, please leave a comment below, and I'll add you. I'm going to try a new system of letting in those who show interest and then closing the circle if my mental health demands it. 

Also: Stay tuned, because later this week I am finally going to type up that corset summary. 

And I'm past 'done' and reaching 'dangerous' territory.

Thing is, I already passed this course at QM, but they wouldn't transfer it back for credit. I'm retaking this course just to get the credit on my transcript.

Tell me how taking a course in Nowheresville, PA, is somehow harder than taking the same course at a medical school? Because I'm so, so tired. I just want to graduate. I want to be done.