And now for something entirely different.
Apr. 30th, 2020 03:56 pm![[profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
massivesci posted: And now some stories of scientists getting mansplained to
I'm the last interviewee. :D
Exhaustion from Rest
May. 10th, 2019 10:56 pm I've done it. Officially finished my bachelor's. Passed Orgo 2. I'm exhausted.
I have had a few days off, gotten my head together a bit better. I'm still not 100%. I think a lot of this is that all my friends are gone, off to their 'homes', but also just that I don't do well without productivity. I've been working on my FTH work, scrapped two drafts. Working on my resume. Slowly building anxiety about getting a 'real job'. Normal stuff.
Still not great mentally or emotionally, though.
I'd been hoping that once school was over, I'd have a little more brain-space. Time to get my shit together, so to speak. Instead I'm still stressed to hell, it's just a non-specific type of stress that I can't address by finishing a school project.
I really miss my friends.
In the end, I'm stuck doing some of the same avoidance coping mechanisms I did before: read fanfic, refuse to watch the endings of series', etc. I would do therapy but until I have a 'real job', I can't afford it, so until then I'm just waiting. Kinda sucks. I want a purpose again, but I don't want to job hunt for it. I hate job hunting.
I have had a few days off, gotten my head together a bit better. I'm still not 100%. I think a lot of this is that all my friends are gone, off to their 'homes', but also just that I don't do well without productivity. I've been working on my FTH work, scrapped two drafts. Working on my resume. Slowly building anxiety about getting a 'real job'. Normal stuff.
Still not great mentally or emotionally, though.
I'd been hoping that once school was over, I'd have a little more brain-space. Time to get my shit together, so to speak. Instead I'm still stressed to hell, it's just a non-specific type of stress that I can't address by finishing a school project.
I really miss my friends.
In the end, I'm stuck doing some of the same avoidance coping mechanisms I did before: read fanfic, refuse to watch the endings of series', etc. I would do therapy but until I have a 'real job', I can't afford it, so until then I'm just waiting. Kinda sucks. I want a purpose again, but I don't want to job hunt for it. I hate job hunting.
Mini Frustrations, also Socks
Mar. 18th, 2019 10:28 pmI wish I could show you all my work and have you be like WOW that is AMAZING, but unfortunately it's all stuff that's either boring as hell to a non-chemist/biologist, or is probably confidential so far. All I want are some bragging rights, is that too much to ask?
On the other hand I've started a pair of socks using some old chenille. It's a try-out of a pattern to see if I like the way the sole's made, and while this stuff is ridiculous yarn, it's also ridiculously soft, so hopefully even the try-out is wearable.
( Just a picture )
On the other hand I've started a pair of socks using some old chenille. It's a try-out of a pattern to see if I like the way the sole's made, and while this stuff is ridiculous yarn, it's also ridiculously soft, so hopefully even the try-out is wearable.
( Just a picture )
Oh Dear God: A Catch-all Post
Mar. 1st, 2019 05:11 pm News: The ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
sherlockkinkmeme has been modded. I'm tired. I've finished so many papers. Spring break is right around the horizon. I'm tired.
Other news: I will, sometime over spring break, write another corset update. Also, I hope to write another chapter of Posh Boy cause I miss my sex god John Watson.
I'm so tired. I'm so, so tired. I pulled 3 14-hour school days this week and yes, I caught up on a lot of things, but I'm not sure it was worth it. God bless the Wine and Crime podcast (plugging it) because it helped me get through the week.
sherlockkinkmeme has been modded. I'm tired. I've finished so many papers. Spring break is right around the horizon. I'm tired. Other news: I will, sometime over spring break, write another corset update. Also, I hope to write another chapter of Posh Boy cause I miss my sex god John Watson.
I'm so tired. I'm so, so tired. I pulled 3 14-hour school days this week and yes, I caught up on a lot of things, but I'm not sure it was worth it. God bless the Wine and Crime podcast (plugging it) because it helped me get through the week.
Failed an Exam
Feb. 14th, 2019 01:56 pmAnd I'm past 'done' and reaching 'dangerous' territory.
Thing is, I already passed this course at QM, but they wouldn't transfer it back for credit. I'm retaking this course just to get the credit on my transcript.
Tell me how taking a course in Nowheresville, PA, is somehow harder than taking the same course at a medical school? Because I'm so, so tired. I just want to graduate. I want to be done.
Thing is, I already passed this course at QM, but they wouldn't transfer it back for credit. I'm retaking this course just to get the credit on my transcript.
Tell me how taking a course in Nowheresville, PA, is somehow harder than taking the same course at a medical school? Because I'm so, so tired. I just want to graduate. I want to be done.
Hello! Thank you to everyone who left me well-wishes on my 'sick' post. I'm feeling better, but I'm now ages behind because of missing lectures while ill, so I'm going to be catching up for a bit before I spend much time on DW again. Thank you all again for your wonderful comments, they were hugely helpful when my brain was trying to guilt me for being 'lazy' when ill.
One Day at a Time
Jan. 22nd, 2019 05:21 pmWell now that I've typed that title, I have to insert some good old 1970's nonsense*:
Now that's done, a mini rant:
Right now I've got my thesis and four other courses going on, and I'm overwhelmed. Not in the day-by-day sense, but in the sense that I go from understanding high-complexity concepts to understanding more high-complexity concepts, one to the other to the other, with very little time for my brain to break. While yes, theoretically, I have enough time to get all my things done, that only works if I take no time to decompress.
I'm feeling very compressed.
*Godspell is hysterical in that I'm convinced you have to be high in order to make it, and yet Christians who believe the stuff in it would tell you that being high is a sin. I'm so amused by it. The music's still prime 70's nonsense though. 10/10. Edit: Also the costumes. My god, the costumes.
Now that's done, a mini rant:
Right now I've got my thesis and four other courses going on, and I'm overwhelmed. Not in the day-by-day sense, but in the sense that I go from understanding high-complexity concepts to understanding more high-complexity concepts, one to the other to the other, with very little time for my brain to break. While yes, theoretically, I have enough time to get all my things done, that only works if I take no time to decompress.
I'm feeling very compressed.
*Godspell is hysterical in that I'm convinced you have to be high in order to make it, and yet Christians who believe the stuff in it would tell you that being high is a sin. I'm so amused by it. The music's still prime 70's nonsense though. 10/10. Edit: Also the costumes. My god, the costumes.
Knitting:
( Read more... )
Writing:
I did write a response on the Sherlock Kinkmeme which I crossposted to Ficlet Friday, not to shamelessly plug my own comms or anything.
( Read more... )
School:
( Read more... )
Plants:
( Read more... )
( Read more... )
Writing:
I did write a response on the Sherlock Kinkmeme which I crossposted to Ficlet Friday, not to shamelessly plug my own comms or anything.
( Read more... )
School:
( Read more... )
Plants:
( Read more... )
This week has been the first week of my last term of Uni. And it wasn’t bad, it wasn’t good, it just was, but I’m tired.
I’m in a course called Coming Out, and it’s actually taught by two lesbians which is v nice considering I was dreading the idea of it being taught by a Straight Cis Person (TM). But I don’t like the way they’ve defined coming out, and they’re very much the sort of people to be like and how do you feel about that, and as a scientist I don’t like that approach to things like sexuality and mental illness and politics, all of which their course focuses on. So anyway I’m very unsure about it and I need to write up a proper essay on it, but I’m already mentally tired and writing more sounds like a Thing I Don’t Want To Do.
All of this to say that I don’t have a real reason to feel so Bleh, but I do feel Bleh, and not having a reason is making it worse.
I’m in a course called Coming Out, and it’s actually taught by two lesbians which is v nice considering I was dreading the idea of it being taught by a Straight Cis Person (TM). But I don’t like the way they’ve defined coming out, and they’re very much the sort of people to be like and how do you feel about that, and as a scientist I don’t like that approach to things like sexuality and mental illness and politics, all of which their course focuses on. So anyway I’m very unsure about it and I need to write up a proper essay on it, but I’m already mentally tired and writing more sounds like a Thing I Don’t Want To Do.
All of this to say that I don’t have a real reason to feel so Bleh, but I do feel Bleh, and not having a reason is making it worse.
Time for a nice little fireside chat: tell me something petty you did because they deserved it, dammit.
I'll start: Professor M from this post liked to give handouts of all of his projector sheets (yes, he used an old-fashioned sheet projector). He was very proud of his handouts, because they proved he was technologically advanced enough to scan and upload his projector sheets to a computer. We were expected to keep them all and reference them regularly.
The other students kept them in neat binders. I had my laptop case, in which there were file folders. He'd hand us 50 sheets of paper, I'd find the file folder and stick 'em in. I wouldn't reference them in class (they were projected in front of my face, I didn't need them) and if I studied from them, I'd mix up the order, which he clung to meticulously.
Whenever he saw my file folders for his classes, I'd watch an internal hernia develop. It was so petty. Especially because by the end of the class I'd mixed them up enough that it was actually moderately inconvenient for me, but I refused to fix them because I enjoyed seeing his silent upset so much.
It was worth it.
I'll start: Professor M from this post liked to give handouts of all of his projector sheets (yes, he used an old-fashioned sheet projector). He was very proud of his handouts, because they proved he was technologically advanced enough to scan and upload his projector sheets to a computer. We were expected to keep them all and reference them regularly.
The other students kept them in neat binders. I had my laptop case, in which there were file folders. He'd hand us 50 sheets of paper, I'd find the file folder and stick 'em in. I wouldn't reference them in class (they were projected in front of my face, I didn't need them) and if I studied from them, I'd mix up the order, which he clung to meticulously.
Whenever he saw my file folders for his classes, I'd watch an internal hernia develop. It was so petty. Especially because by the end of the class I'd mixed them up enough that it was actually moderately inconvenient for me, but I refused to fix them because I enjoyed seeing his silent upset so much.
It was worth it.
Ah, Academia
Dec. 24th, 2018 12:59 pmThis was originally written as an email to a good friend. I'm going to edit names and such, but it's otherwise untouched because I can't be bothered.
First, we shall start with some background because otherwise none of this makes any sense.
As you know, I hope(d) to apply to B Medical School after university here. B is connected to QM, and QM doesn't take transfer students unless they come from Cambridge and Oxford. Therefore, I had to finish my bachelor's in the U.S. if I wanted a chance at QM and B. I've read a lot on medical school, B, and overseas education, and one of the common themes was that people underestimated the stress of a new education style and dropped out. Therefore, I thought it would be best for my transcript and my plans if I found a university here that would finish my bachelor's with a chance of going overseas in Britain. (I was always planning on coming back, but making sure that I had myself prepared for entry and a student visa, etc, was easier with a university.) I chose A University based on its connections with QM and B. It was one of the only U.S. schools that could get me into QM, which meant that when I applied for grad school, I'd have them on my transcript already (1).
A isn't known for much except for its overseas programme, to be honest. It has a castle, it has an overseas programme, and that's about it. It didn't have any negative press either, however, so I found myself cautiously optimistic.
Never be cautiously optimistic, N. If you have the need to add the word 'cautious' to 'optimistic', you may as well just be pessimistic and get the whole lot over.
The chemistry department in A is a shambles, run by three men, none of whom do their jobs and all of whom will cover for each other if asked. There's no student union, and the department is very, very small. I'm one of only five graduating in chemistry in May. That's my entire class: five. As a result, there's very little power for students to do anything if these professors take advantage of their position. And oh, they do.
Now: I'm going to preface this with two things. I'm ill, N, but I'm not horrifically ill. You know of my doctor's visits for hormonal imbalance in London: they determined that while I'm in no real danger, they also don't know how to fix me either, which means loss of focus and dizzy spells and pain are now a common recurrence for me. I shall be maddening my professors for many years to come, but when studying and attempting to revise, the loss of focus has meant that I've slipped from A's to B's (90% range to 80% range, if you're not familiar with the American grading system). B's are by no means shabby.
And secondly, I like learning, and I have, in all other institutions of learning, been amicable with my professors. At QM and B I had no issues whatsoever (2). When I got my Medical Assisting degree, I was on very good terms with my professors. The only time I've ever had to previously report a professor was when one had a wedding for her daughter and kept getting distracted, and I mentioned to the head of the department that none of my work had been marked. It was very amiably resolved and I had the same professor next term without issue. In other words, I'm not the sort to dislike anyone who sets me assignments.
All of this to say that when one professor started just skipping their labs (3), I went to the Dean expecting it to be resolved professionally and amiably. This was before I left for London. When I came back, not only had nothing changed, but I was in a course with another of the professors who proceeded to make extremely inappropriate jokes in class (4). I went back to the Dean. She assured me it was all being taken care of.
Narrator: It was not being taken care of.
After several weeks had passed and not only had nothing changed but a friend had lost her internship due to complications with the laboratory professor, we both went back to the Dean. I explained that nothing had changed, and I wished to take this to the next highest authority and requested any records from the interviews we'd had so far. As I expected, she panicked a bit. I was referred to HR post-haste with a vague apology about how the Dean hadn't kept any of her notes from our meetings.
So off we go to HR. We make our report, we explain the situation, and for the first time in this whole journey I feel like I'm actually being heard. We leave feeling, once again, cautiously optimistic.
There's that cautiously popping up again, you realise.
Now, Professor M is the one who made inappropriate comments in class. His class works as follows: three exams, spaced by thirds throughout the term, with the final exam being cumulative and worth much more than the other two. The first two are take-home exams.
Right after I and my friend met with HR, we had exam two. She and I are what Americans call 'study-buddies': we've been in most of the same courses for the past two years, and so we revise together often. We accordingly prepared for exam two with a shared google document of notes, as well as working together on a study guide for revising. We get our exams, take them to our respective homes, and go at it.
The next week they come back marked, and Professor M pulls us aside. We've been accused of cheating. He cut our grades in half - what had been 96% was now 48%. I'm not going to go on about how I didn't cheat: I didn't. I have no need (5). But more than that, earlier that day his favourite in the class (because of course, he plays favourites) had openly admitted to using her notes as she took the exam.
It was a power play, and he made no effort to hide that. It was a good one, too. Using the same study guide did make our work look similar. The definitions we'd memorised were nearly word for word in some places. He knew he could get away with it. We had to take the halved marks or go to a judicial review, which would be staffed with the other professors in the chemistry department -- who were all his friends, and all aware that we'd been the ones to go to HR. Our names had somehow gotten out as the ones behind the report, and we felt that for the rest of term as a million petty little things were thrown our direction.
But more than that, he'd effectively derailed the HR investigation into the department. If we looked like cheats, he could say that anything we'd reported was merely a personal vendetta.
I got into my car, very calmly, and drove away, and pulled up in front of my house, and screamed like a maniac for about twenty seconds. And then I pulled myself together, got out, and began to revise.
You see, we had the last exam left, and it was cumulative. N, I was working nights and revising days, and we don't have a reading month here: I was doing classes, revising, writing my thesis, and working all at the same time. It was hard enough before I got accused of cheating. Now I barely ate. My husband was a gift and took over the housework, forced food into me, and refilled the teapot as I ate, slept, and breathed nothing but Professor M's courses (I was taking two of his courses, and while I was only accused of cheating in one, I was determined to prove myself in both).
I got my marks back late last week: I have an A- in one, and a B- in the other. In order to get both of those marks overall, I must have been in top marks for his final exams in both courses. I went back to HR. I explained what had occurred, the timing, and my final exam, and the HR woman sat back, eyes wide, and took a deep breath.
"I don't believe in coincidences," she said, and I felt my whole exhausted, chemistry-soaked brain rejoice.
The investigation is ongoing, but the last I heard, the chemistry chair had a frantic meeting recently. I don't take any courses from Professor M or the lab professor next term -- I'm through with them for good. I've cleared my name in the eyes of every student -- and every professor not in the chemistry department.
I am now basking in my holiday, finally taking the time to write to you. I failed at keeping it succinct. I've got a new type of gratefulness for the time I have to ramble. It took me a solid hour and Youtube has passed Carl Vine off to Dmitri Shostakovich. I've never heard of him before but his String Quartet No. 8 is turning out to be surprisingly delightful. I hope you have some unexpected delight today, N.
Very, very fondly,
AlchemistDoctor
(1) I'm very grateful I did this. Despite their issues, A got me into QM and B for a term, I met you, I was back in London without issue concerning Brexit and visa changes, and with my health causing my marks to slip (not greatly, but enough) I may never get the chance to study post-grad at B. I'm glad I was able to for at least that term. As it is, if I don't get into B, I'm going to apply in the U.K. for forensic science. My time isn't wasted and I'm still coming back, no fear.
(2) My biochemistry professor at B had wild hair like Einstein, sounded like Martin Crieff, and had the humour of Douglas Richardson. (Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your Captain speaking. If you would all take your seats, we're about to depart on this Biology 241 flight to Proteinsville. Please put your tray tables up and your seats in the upright position to prepare for takeoff.) I was very upset when halfway through the term we switched professors as the topic changed, but the new professor was a wry German man with cuttingly amusing sarcasm. You don't think you're going to desperately miss your professors when you're frantically revising the Kreb's cycle, but I do miss them now.
(3) He left us in the labs alone, with a paper with wrong instructions (not outdated: actually wrong, the experiment wouldn't work if we did it that way) and no health and safety protection.
(4) N, you've been a professor. Now think about porn featuring professors. Now imagine saying some of the opening lines to one of your previous students. Do you feel the ugliness in it? Now imagine that ugliness inside a man who looks pleasingly jovial, like someone's grandfather who plays Father Christmas around this time of year. Let the revulsion sink into your soul. There are very few people I believe the world would not miss, but this man is one of them.
(5) Also, he accused us based on things like spelling the same words wrong and using the same number of figures in our maths. I'll admit it doesn't look good on the papers themselves because it does look similar. But N: if I were a cheat, I hope you know my intellect enough to know I wouldn't cheat this obviously. It's like a dual insult: I think you're a cheat, and not only are you a cheat, you're bad at cheating. I was affronted for my academic integrity and my intellect, which is silly. I don't know why I'm upset that someone thinks I'm a bad cheat when I didn't cheat in the first place. I'm still upset about it!
For better or for worse, my exams are over! This means I can focus on Posh Boy, ficletfriday , and my thesis! Gonna catch up on so much fic.
ficletfriday , and my thesis! Gonna catch up on so much fic. 
(no subject)
Dec. 14th, 2018 12:23 am Good news is that I have passed at least two of the finals I took so far, and more importantly I passed the DUCK exam, which is an exam I have to pass in order to graduate as a chemist.
Bad news is that I don't know about the third exam, and I have one more to take.
Bad news is that I don't know about the third exam, and I have one more to take.
(no subject)
Dec. 12th, 2018 06:39 pm So that's three exams out of four done. I have one more to go. I have no idea how I did on the others. Honestly the one I feel the worst about is the most important one, and that's not a great feeling.
However, I'm fried after three exams in the space of two days, so tonight is decompression via Buzzfeed Unsolved. I'm catching up on ones I haven't seen, and so far The Phantom Prisoners of Ohio State Penitentiary is winning the competition for my favourite. Is anyone else here into true crime/paranormal stuff?
However, I'm fried after three exams in the space of two days, so tonight is decompression via Buzzfeed Unsolved. I'm catching up on ones I haven't seen, and so far The Phantom Prisoners of Ohio State Penitentiary is winning the competition for my favourite. Is anyone else here into true crime/paranormal stuff?
Instrumental Methods and Analysis
Dec. 11th, 2018 11:00 amWhen I'm done with my notes for this class I'm seriously considering scanning them all and putting them into a downloadable free PDF for anyone who wants them. Cause A) I'm proud of how pretty they are and B) this class is hell, I wish I'd had something like this.
(no subject)
Dec. 11th, 2018 01:32 am I'm pretty sure I have over 25 pages of review notes for this exam tomorrow and I'm not done - I have to get up early and finish the newest material! I'm very, very tired and can't feel the pinkie and ring finger on my dominant hand anymore. I must have pinched that nerve in my elbow again while writing.
Anyway, my point is that I'm for bed, g'night all!
Anyway, my point is that I'm for bed, g'night all!
(no subject)
Dec. 10th, 2018 11:21 am Today's the sort of day where one puts on an oversized sweatshirt and refuses to wear a bra because I deserve good things.
(Help. Exams start tomorrow.)
(Help. Exams start tomorrow.)
Well... I lost my login here last year, and was too lazy (and overwhelmed) to get it back. Tumblr's purging and I want a place to put my things (and, let's be honest, I want to lurk fandom creations) so I'm back. I'm currently in my senior year of uni and I won't be very active to start, but that's okay. I need to prioritise my health and schooling right now.
I Know Him
Nov. 12th, 2017 01:04 pmReading Word Games by tweedisgood and had a moment of madness as I read the following:
Bane of my boyhood. Excellent teacher of a subject I loathed. Athletic, handsome, charming. Cutting, cruel, a roaring snob. It did not do to come from a modest background, nor to disdain the classics, if one wanted his approval. I failed on both counts.
tweedisgood and had a moment of madness as I read the following:Bane of my boyhood. Excellent teacher of a subject I loathed. Athletic, handsome, charming. Cutting, cruel, a roaring snob. It did not do to come from a modest background, nor to disdain the classics, if one wanted his approval. I failed on both counts.
I currently study under this professor. Thank to heaven he's not a headmaster, but he teaches my POGIL Equilibrium and Analysis class and if I had the opportunity to get him fired I'd take it. He's insufferable. This is the best description of him I've ever read.