alchemistdoctor (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
alchemistdoctor) wrote2019-01-18 09:16 pm
alchemistdoctor) wrote2019-01-18 09:16 pm
Musings
Knitting:
I have a commission; one of my first, I've done one or two before but none were as specific as this one. The client wants a knit bunny, and I'm actually really excited to make it, so hopefully, I'll fly through the knitting. I go out to get the yarn tomorrow.
This means that tonight, I want to finish the shawl I'm working on. I used the wrong yarn and am still continuing, like an idiot, because I'm almost done. It's scratchy wool, which is the worst idea for a crescent lace shawl that will probably wrap around the neck, but I'm going to soak it in conditioner and see if that softens it up. If it doesn't, I frog it I suppose, and focus on the bun and the cotton lace scarf I've been working on for over a year now. (Lace is hard to do when paying attention to other things, and I'm definitely a TV/Uni lecture knitter.)
Writing:
I did write a response on the Sherlock Kinkmeme which I crossposted to Ficlet Friday, not to shamelessly plug my own comms or anything.
I need to get my thesis pretty much done before this term really hits me, but I have zero (0) motivation at all whatsoever right now, and the idea of writing it makes my soul groan. Once I buckle down and do it, it won't be nearly as bad as I'm making it out to be, I just need to motivate myself.
On the other hand, I actually want to write my fiction, but I am stuck on Posh Boy and have been struck by the research panic on LondonSea, so that's a great time.*
* LondonSea is pseudohistorical fiction, I.E. it deals with a parallel universe which is in the Age of Sail. Even though I made it that way specifically so I could avoid having to be 100% historically accurate, I still have large waves of panic that I am going to fuck up all the research and piss off historians.
When in reality, historians are notoriously passionate about telling others Cool Things about History, and I'm sure if I finish this and then ask people enthusiastic about the Age of Sail to beta it for a reasonable amount, they'd be great about it. I'm just nerves.
School:
I still have to write that essay on the meaning of Coming Out, the scientific sociopolitical baggage that we're going over in class, and why I keep getting bugged by it. Also, I have a pre-lab for Organic Chem that is easy as hell to do but I have been panicking about for no reason.
There's an underlying theme of anxiety to my days lately and I'm really pissed that Professor M has put a current of panic underneath the idea of school now. I actually love learning, I'm just scared of academia in general at this point. Do they have PTSD clinics for those traumatised by professors?
Plants:
I am a complete failure at growing anything that isn't a succulent, which is infuriating because I keep learning about what not to do, and then getting hit by something new. For example, I learned to freeze my potting mix before I use it, to kill the fruit flies, and I've learned which window in my house has enough sun, and I figured out which liquid food works best for me, and I know the difference between watering succulents and non-desert plants.
But my mini 'Christmas' tree (really just a tiny potted pine) died because when I bought it I didn't realise it was in far too small a pot (when I finally investigated, I found that the roots had wormed themselves into a fascinating spiral round and round the thing, trying to find room. Poor baby). I repotted it, but too late. And my Bob Ross Chia pet wasn't at the right window, so that's how I learned the other window doesn't have enough light. And I found out I can't grow chia in my kitchen because mould will grow on any type of soil in my kitchen. I don't know why; I just cleaned and sanitised.
So I've had plants die of three different things, and it's just upsetting. All I want to do is have some green in my house that's not wilting! At least my aloe still loves me.
I have a commission; one of my first, I've done one or two before but none were as specific as this one. The client wants a knit bunny, and I'm actually really excited to make it, so hopefully, I'll fly through the knitting. I go out to get the yarn tomorrow.
This means that tonight, I want to finish the shawl I'm working on. I used the wrong yarn and am still continuing, like an idiot, because I'm almost done. It's scratchy wool, which is the worst idea for a crescent lace shawl that will probably wrap around the neck, but I'm going to soak it in conditioner and see if that softens it up. If it doesn't, I frog it I suppose, and focus on the bun and the cotton lace scarf I've been working on for over a year now. (Lace is hard to do when paying attention to other things, and I'm definitely a TV/Uni lecture knitter.)
Writing:
I did write a response on the Sherlock Kinkmeme which I crossposted to Ficlet Friday, not to shamelessly plug my own comms or anything.
I need to get my thesis pretty much done before this term really hits me, but I have zero (0) motivation at all whatsoever right now, and the idea of writing it makes my soul groan. Once I buckle down and do it, it won't be nearly as bad as I'm making it out to be, I just need to motivate myself.
On the other hand, I actually want to write my fiction, but I am stuck on Posh Boy and have been struck by the research panic on LondonSea, so that's a great time.*
* LondonSea is pseudohistorical fiction, I.E. it deals with a parallel universe which is in the Age of Sail. Even though I made it that way specifically so I could avoid having to be 100% historically accurate, I still have large waves of panic that I am going to fuck up all the research and piss off historians.
When in reality, historians are notoriously passionate about telling others Cool Things about History, and I'm sure if I finish this and then ask people enthusiastic about the Age of Sail to beta it for a reasonable amount, they'd be great about it. I'm just nerves.
School:
I still have to write that essay on the meaning of Coming Out, the scientific sociopolitical baggage that we're going over in class, and why I keep getting bugged by it. Also, I have a pre-lab for Organic Chem that is easy as hell to do but I have been panicking about for no reason.
There's an underlying theme of anxiety to my days lately and I'm really pissed that Professor M has put a current of panic underneath the idea of school now. I actually love learning, I'm just scared of academia in general at this point. Do they have PTSD clinics for those traumatised by professors?
Plants:
I am a complete failure at growing anything that isn't a succulent, which is infuriating because I keep learning about what not to do, and then getting hit by something new. For example, I learned to freeze my potting mix before I use it, to kill the fruit flies, and I've learned which window in my house has enough sun, and I figured out which liquid food works best for me, and I know the difference between watering succulents and non-desert plants.
But my mini 'Christmas' tree (really just a tiny potted pine) died because when I bought it I didn't realise it was in far too small a pot (when I finally investigated, I found that the roots had wormed themselves into a fascinating spiral round and round the thing, trying to find room. Poor baby). I repotted it, but too late. And my Bob Ross Chia pet wasn't at the right window, so that's how I learned the other window doesn't have enough light. And I found out I can't grow chia in my kitchen because mould will grow on any type of soil in my kitchen. I don't know why; I just cleaned and sanitised.
So I've had plants die of three different things, and it's just upsetting. All I want to do is have some green in my house that's not wilting! At least my aloe still loves me.
no subject
Writing: I'm not an expert but familiar with historical sailing and good on mechanics, terminology, routing, weather, tactics, etc. in sailing. Feel free to contact me with questions or for a targeted read or for what specific sort of terms or info to research. You are not going to fuck up: everyone who is enthusiastic about sailing in any era is generally pretty excited about sharing.
Anxiety: For situational, rather than more generalized background states, it's interesting how much meditation/relaxation practice can help. It can take a bit of effort to find what specific methods work for any given individual, but the science is pretty simple: stress is the work of the sympathetic nervous system and relaxation is the work of the parasympathetic, and they are mutually exclusive: you can't do both at once. If we can, through practice, learn to put ourselves into that parasympathetic space, we can get some breathing room, even if it's temporary.
I've used this successfully to help cut into my anxiety about my cancer and treatment damages, making it something that's substantially improved my day-to-day life (and sleep). I didn't find mindfulness meditation to be helpful because single-tracking my mind is just too much of a struggle for a brain that lives on whisperspace commentary. I also don't find a male voice curtly ordering me to RELAX useful or restful. But I do find that yoga nidra, a meditative resting yogic practice for the mind, terrifically helpful. Insight Timer is the ap I use, primarily because it has many free options that cover a huge range of meditation modes and plenty of female/yoga nidra/30 min (and many shorter, but that's my personal sweet spot) meditations. There are also a whole bunch of them on youtube for those who don't want to deal with an ap. I find that it's often hard to carve out time for regular practice, but I always feel afterward that it's been well worth it. Clearly ymmv but it is something you can get into with lower overhead than looking for that specialized ptsd clinic.
Plants: We have a mixed relationship. There are some "easy" plants that have died lingering pathetic deaths at my hands and some "difficult" plants that reward my neglect and abuse with flourishing. I just don't know. All I can suggest is to keep trying, and savor the ones who enjoy sharing what environment you can provide.
And, yeah, be suspicious of store-bought because they often come with pot-bound roots or no roots, many times with an extra helping of bugs. I prefer to get starts from established plants from friends because they tend to be healthier, but of course that tactic only works if you have plant-y friends or co-workers. Still, sometimes various plant "clubs" or the local master gardener groups or the local botanical garden will hold sales of their extras (here that tends to be in shopping mall center courts), and that can be a good chance to not only get tips from people who've successfully grown that particular variety, but to buy healthier plants.
no subject
Thank you for the offer to help with sailing knowledge! I think I'm doing all right for now; most of the things I'm talking about don't go hugely into the mechanics, and for a first draft I'm allowed to be vague and not go into detail about where the cabins are or how much room is on each deck. Later I'll figure that out and add more descriptors to the scenes that need the ambience. Second-draft material, I keep telling myself.
Additional thanks for the meditation recommendations. I'll see about trying yoga nidra; right now I downloaded Rainymood and just white noise has helped my brain relax a lot. Also, I cut out coffee, which I really shouldn't drink anyway, because I know caffeine is an anxiety-inducer.
I am trying again with chia in the correct window, by the radiator so it doesn't get chilled with the weather. Wish me luck! Hopefully this time I don't learn yet another new thing that can kill plants.